"Teach me how to love, show me the way to surrender my heart." -Musiq Soulchild
There's a massive stone wall, with a moat, and a tiny drawbridge encasing my heart. You know, the kind in fairytales where the knight in shining armor has to go rescue the princess.
Except this isn't a fairytale. And my knight can grow weary. I'm screwing this up.
"Our capacity for wholeheartedness can never be greater than our willingness to be broken-hearted."- Brene Brown
Somewhere, that was stolen from me, the ability to be fully anything. My most vulnerable moments were my most broken. The crashing was a gift, because I had to feel and live with a raw and open heart. No other options were available. But, before I knew it, I had stone back in hand, building my wall again, for safety. There's no freedom in safety, and the powerful experiences of love and joy can only filter through a wall, you don't get the purity. When you close your heart for fear of pain or failure, you also close it to the incredible, life-giving energy it can receive.
I know this. I still screw up.
That's the thing about healing. It's constant. And you'll think you're healed in one spot until you're bumped, and the pain radiates. I didn't know that bruise was there.
"Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experience." -Brene Brown
But I don't want to lose another moment.
Teach me how to love.